You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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