He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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