you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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