Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize