Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
