You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
