You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
