i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
