Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
