FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
