I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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