Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize