so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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