It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
