I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
ttyl tear gas
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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