Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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