Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
