I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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