So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
