It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
