some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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