I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
