It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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