he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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