I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
