Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
