Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
