She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
