none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Pants are for mortals
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
