got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize