just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Houston, we have a blender
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
