woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
