I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
