i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
