I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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