I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
