Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
