But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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