Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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