I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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