twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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