shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
