i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
