all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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