Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
where am i from again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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