i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
