I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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