Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
