Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
