We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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