Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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