i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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