totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
