Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
