singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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