This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
