there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
