Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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