a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
