Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I AM VODKA MAN
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
