Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think your dad took our porno
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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