Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I checked into jail on foursquare
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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