Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
how does that bad decision feel?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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