i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
