I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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