There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
