ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize