So drunk, too bad you don't want this
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
