apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
