My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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