I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
