Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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