So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
