update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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