can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
