so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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