What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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