capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
